I need to stop. I need to just stop beating the shit out of myself everyday. Thinking the meanest, fucking cruelest things I can possibly think of and hurling them at my own chest in a way that immobilizes my ability to do anything but shut down.
I’d like to say I wouldn’t accept it from anyone else, but I do. I have. I likely will in the future.
I don’t know why I’m not worth more to myself. I don’t fucking get it and I don’t know how to deal with it.